Better communication applies to self talk, too

Here is one exercise to begin developing positive self-talk:

Write down some of the negative messages inside your mind.  Be specific, whenever possible, and include anyone you remember who contributed to that message.
Next, to those negative messages write down a positive truth in your life.  Don’t give up if you don’t find them quickly.  For every negative message there is positive,  keep looking until you find them.

For example, you might write, when you make a mistake, you think, “I can’t do anything right.” Right beside that negative statement, your positive message could be, “I accept my mistake and am becoming a better person.”

Positive self-talk is not self-deception, positive self-talk is about the truth, in situations and in yourself.  When negative events or mistakes happen, positive self-talk seeks to bring the positive out of the negative to help you do better, go further, or just keep moving forward.

“Bedazzling Safely: Nipple and Genital Piercing After the Fact”

Piercing is a hobby that provides an entirely new realm of expression and bodily adornment, dating back for decades. People have grown a tender affection for the art of embedding such jewelry unto the body, in various positions as well. The most popular of this kind is the earlobe piercing, and ones scattered around. Following were facial piercings upon the nose, and some lip or tongue. However, in modern times some seek to specially adorne body extremities of unconventional sorts. However, when tended poorly, piercings and jewelry upon genitalia and nipples can often lead to malicious infections and ailments. How does one prevent such unlucky occurrences when seeking to express themselves?

Aftercare for such precariously placed piercings can be delicate, as infections of these regions lead to terribly uncomfortable consequences. The art of self care for these expressions begins with the first rule of tending to any sort of wound: clean and let it be. Especially when regarding genitalia piercings. Refraining from sex until the wound heals is most effective, and speeds along the process of healing the most. However, if push comes to shove, protection of some sort, even with a monogamous partner is necessary in order to protect the wound from agitation, irritation, or otherwise. Protection is usually in the form of condoms that cover the pierced area, and otherwise. Agitated movement of the pierced area is detrimental to the healing process of piercings, no matter the part.

Washes are a common mode of sterilization and treatment for wounds, including that of typical cuts, bruises, lesions, or otherwise. There is no difference here, as piercing is the art of safe wounding in order to adorn with jewelry on the body. The best sort of rinses are sea salt and saline solutions, as these are able to sterilize the area and clean the wound, without being too strong such as soap. Prevent infections, without irritation or aggravation, no? Another tip, provided by Infinite Body Piercing Incorporated, is the use of saline rinse during urination whenever one pierces around or through the urethra for the first few days. This is a stellar treatment to reduce uncomfortable or even painful feelings of the piercing during this period of healing and time.

The last step, while you let the wound heal in its own time without irritation, and the regular application of saline or sea salt rinses, is the acknowledgement that bruises and bleeding are normal. It may seem like a sign of wrong procedure when sudden bruises or bleeding occurs in the first few days after piercing, but this is not the case and is actually perfectly normal. Be prepared for this to happen, as the body requires time to adjust and recover from this procedure, and regrow itself accordingly. If you are highly adverse to possible bruising and bleeding, consider whether piercing is right for you, and recognize that these effects are only temporary.

Piercings are a wonderful expression of self, interests, or otherwise. They are a useful too in order to accompany one’s attire and overall presentation. But, health and safety are the most important factors in any procedure such as this. Be wary, and take care of your body if you choose to make use of piercings.

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Ethical Non-Monogamy Reading for Professionals

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Ethical Non-Monogamy Reading for Professionals


ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY

Ethical Slut, Dossie Easton and Cathrine A. Liszt (Greenery Press, 2004). This book is a philosophical and practical handbook for those who are interested in exploring theca non- monogamy.
       
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2008). This book is an introduction to the concept of open relationships discussed the difficulties and benefits of this exploration for couples.
         
Polyamory and Pregnancy, Jessica Burde (2013). A guide for bringing a new life into a polycule.
         
The Polyamory Handbook: A User’s Guide, Peter J. Benson (Authorhouse, 2008). This is a practical and philosophical guide to engaging in polyamorous relationships.
         

Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic, Raven Kaldera (Alfred Press, 2010). This book is a practical guide in how to maneuver both polyamory and power exchange relationships.
       
Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle, Kaye Bellemeade (New Tradition Books, 2008). This book is a fantastic introduction for anyone interested in trying out swinging.
       
What Does Polyamory Look Like?: Polydiverse Patterns of Loving and Living in Modern Polyamorous Relationships, Mim Chapman (iUniverse.com, 2012). This book is an examination of polyamory culture, polyamory movement, and the modern views of open relationships.
       

COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS

Difficult Conversations, Doug Stone (Penguin Books, 2000). The book is one of the best resources for combatting anxiety-provoking conversations. It provides tools and strategies for individuals who struggle with having emotional conversations.        
  Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton (Penguin, 1991). This book is an excellent negotiation resource. It gives the fundamentals and tactics for negotiation and introduces the concepts of need vs. Principle.
     

The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships Kathy Labriola (Greenery Press, 2013). This is a good practical resource for couples and individuals who are struggling with jealousy.

       
The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships, John Gottman and Joan DeClaire (Harmony, 2002). This book is an introduction to the research, science and practical understand of what makes relationships successful and how to better communicate.

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Power Exchange Reading for Professionals

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Power Exchange Reading for Professionals


Power Exchange

After her seemingly perfect world came crashing down Chloe Donnovan was faced with a crisis of identity. In a bold attempt to start life over in a more authentic way, she confessed her darkest secret, a desire to submit to her husband Leo. The two set off on a year of information, exploration, and sexual experimentation that will either breathe new life into the relationship or lead to their final demise. Darling Discovered: A True Story of Submission explores issues of trust, self-acceptance, and healing, set amongst the sandy beaches of Florida in an emotional and pleasurable read. Winner of 2015 BDSM Writer’s Con in Non-Fiction Category.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assimilation: Tales of Transformation and Surrender, Bootbush (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2012). A collection of stories that discus a variety of BDSM play including water sports and puppy play.

 

 

 

 

 

BDSM Mastery – Basics: Your Guide to Play, Parties, and Scene Protocols, Robert Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield (2014). This is an excellent book for BDSM beginners on navigating the social and play aspects of the BDSM lifestyle.

 

 

 

 

 

Bootblacking 101: A Handbook, Andrew Diarmid (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2007). This book is an excellent introduction and resource to understanding the practice and protocols of bootblacking in the fetish and Kink community.

 

 

 

 

 

Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and Do It Safely, Bill Henkin (Daedalus Publishing Company, 1996). This introduction focuses on defining the language of Kink in an accessible manner.

 

 

 

 

 

The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook. Penny Barber (Lulu.com, 2011). This book is an excellent handbook for those individuals who are interested in exploring age play and diaper fetishes.

 

 

 

 

 

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Philip Miller and Molly Devon (Mystic Rose Books 1995). This book is an excellent introduction to BDSM and covers a variety of topics including safety and basic skills.

 

 

 

 

Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé, Lee Harrington (Mystic Productions Press, 2015). . . This book is a great Japanese beginner’s guide to rope play.

 

 

 

 

 

Skin Tight: Rubbermen, Macho Fetish and Fantasy, Tim Brough (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2007). This book is an excellent exploration to the world of rubber and rubber fetish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies, Jay Wiseman (Greenery Press, 2004). A quick reference guide for handling emergencies both big and small.

 

 

 

 

 

 

BDSM Mastery-Relationships: A Guide for Creating Mindful Relationships for Dominants and Submissive, Robert Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield (Red Eight Ball Press, 2015). This handbook is a good resource for the development and nurturing of the power exchange relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Care and Nurture for the Submissive – A Must Read for Any Woman in a BDSM Relationship (Women’s Guide to BDSM), Elizabeth Cramer (Amazon Kindle, 2013). This book is an excellent resource for those who identify as an s-type and are looking for a way to articulate and understand what expectations they may need to negotiate in their power exchange relationships.

 

 

 

 

Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training Volume 2: 25 Things You Must Know Before Doing Anything Else, Elisabeth Cramer (2013). This 2nd volume by Cramer to help new D-types grow in their relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training Volume 3: How to Use These 31 Everyday Objects to Train Your New Sub for Ultimate Pleasure & Excitement, Elizabeth Cramer (2013). The 3rd book by Cramer which guides new D-types in the use of pervertables in play and training.

 

 

 

 

 

Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training: Step-By-Step Blueprint on How to Train Your New Sub. A Must Read for Any Dom/Master in a BDSM Relationship, Elizabeth Cramer (2013). . . This is an excellent resource guide for new D-types in a power exchange relationship who are looking for a guide on mentoring an s-type.

 

 

 

 

Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook, Michael Makai (Createspace, 2013). This book is an excellent resource in discussing the exploration, trails, and rewards of the power exchange relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Extreme Space: The Domination and Submission Handbook, F.R.R. Mallory (Unbound Books, 2013). A guide for those who are interested in exploring and owning their sexuality in terms of BDSM and alternative relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships, Dan and Dawn Williams (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2011). This book provides a real life account of living a TPE relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

The Loving Dominant, John Warren (Greenery Press, 2000). This book is an excellent resource for those who identify as a D-type in a power exchange relationship but do not hold high sadistic tendencies. This is especially important for those who desire a loving and nurturing D/s.

 

 

 

 

 

Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household, Machele Kindle (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2011). A detailed explanation of establishing M/s households including sample contracts.

 

 

 

 

 

Master and Submissive or Slave Contract, Phil G. (Smashwords Edition, 2014). . . This book is an excellent resource for those individuals who are wanting an outline for a BDSM contract.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice, Robert J Rubel and Jay Wiseman (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2006). This book offers a good 101 to the power exchange relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual, Christina Abernathy (Greenery Press, 1998). . . This is an excellent resource guide for new individuals who identify as the d type in a d/s relationship and are looking for a guide on mentoring an s type.

 

 

 

 

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance, Mistress Lorelei (Greenery Press, 2000). . . This book is for any women who wants to explore the D-type role within their relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave, Robert Rubel (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2010). This book is an excellent resource for those s-types to deepen their understanding of protocols and rituals in their power exchange dynamics.