Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Ethical Non-Monogamy Reading for Professionals

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Ethical Non-Monogamy Reading for Professionals


ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY

Ethical Slut, Dossie Easton and Cathrine A. Liszt (Greenery Press, 2004). This book is a philosophical and practical handbook for those who are interested in exploring theca non- monogamy.
       
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2008). This book is an introduction to the concept of open relationships discussed the difficulties and benefits of this exploration for couples.
         
Polyamory and Pregnancy, Jessica Burde (2013). A guide for bringing a new life into a polycule.
         
The Polyamory Handbook: A User’s Guide, Peter J. Benson (Authorhouse, 2008). This is a practical and philosophical guide to engaging in polyamorous relationships.
         

Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic, Raven Kaldera (Alfred Press, 2010). This book is a practical guide in how to maneuver both polyamory and power exchange relationships.
       
Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle, Kaye Bellemeade (New Tradition Books, 2008). This book is a fantastic introduction for anyone interested in trying out swinging.
       
What Does Polyamory Look Like?: Polydiverse Patterns of Loving and Living in Modern Polyamorous Relationships, Mim Chapman (iUniverse.com, 2012). This book is an examination of polyamory culture, polyamory movement, and the modern views of open relationships.
       

COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS

Difficult Conversations, Doug Stone (Penguin Books, 2000). The book is one of the best resources for combatting anxiety-provoking conversations. It provides tools and strategies for individuals who struggle with having emotional conversations.        
  Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton (Penguin, 1991). This book is an excellent negotiation resource. It gives the fundamentals and tactics for negotiation and introduces the concepts of need vs. Principle.
     

The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships Kathy Labriola (Greenery Press, 2013). This is a good practical resource for couples and individuals who are struggling with jealousy.

       
The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships, John Gottman and Joan DeClaire (Harmony, 2002). This book is an introduction to the research, science and practical understand of what makes relationships successful and how to better communicate.

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Power Exchange Reading for Professionals

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Power Exchange Reading for Professionals


Power Exchange

After her seemingly perfect world came crashing down Chloe Donnovan was faced with a crisis of identity. In a bold attempt to start life over in a more authentic way, she confessed her darkest secret, a desire to submit to her husband Leo. The two set off on a year of information, exploration, and sexual experimentation that will either breathe new life into the relationship or lead to their final demise. Darling Discovered: A True Story of Submission explores issues of trust, self-acceptance, and healing, set amongst the sandy beaches of Florida in an emotional and pleasurable read. Winner of 2015 BDSM Writer’s Con in Non-Fiction Category.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assimilation: Tales of Transformation and Surrender, Bootbush (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2012). A collection of stories that discus a variety of BDSM play including water sports and puppy play.

 

 

 

 

 

BDSM Mastery – Basics: Your Guide to Play, Parties, and Scene Protocols, Robert Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield (2014). This is an excellent book for BDSM beginners on navigating the social and play aspects of the BDSM lifestyle.

 

 

 

 

 

Bootblacking 101: A Handbook, Andrew Diarmid (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2007). This book is an excellent introduction and resource to understanding the practice and protocols of bootblacking in the fetish and Kink community.

 

 

 

 

 

Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and Do It Safely, Bill Henkin (Daedalus Publishing Company, 1996). This introduction focuses on defining the language of Kink in an accessible manner.

 

 

 

 

 

The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook. Penny Barber (Lulu.com, 2011). This book is an excellent handbook for those individuals who are interested in exploring age play and diaper fetishes.

 

 

 

 

 

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Philip Miller and Molly Devon (Mystic Rose Books 1995). This book is an excellent introduction to BDSM and covers a variety of topics including safety and basic skills.

 

 

 

 

Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé, Lee Harrington (Mystic Productions Press, 2015). . . This book is a great Japanese beginner’s guide to rope play.

 

 

 

 

 

Skin Tight: Rubbermen, Macho Fetish and Fantasy, Tim Brough (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2007). This book is an excellent exploration to the world of rubber and rubber fetish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies, Jay Wiseman (Greenery Press, 2004). A quick reference guide for handling emergencies both big and small.

 

 

 

 

 

 

BDSM Mastery-Relationships: A Guide for Creating Mindful Relationships for Dominants and Submissive, Robert Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield (Red Eight Ball Press, 2015). This handbook is a good resource for the development and nurturing of the power exchange relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Care and Nurture for the Submissive – A Must Read for Any Woman in a BDSM Relationship (Women’s Guide to BDSM), Elizabeth Cramer (Amazon Kindle, 2013). This book is an excellent resource for those who identify as an s-type and are looking for a way to articulate and understand what expectations they may need to negotiate in their power exchange relationships.

 

 

 

 

Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training Volume 2: 25 Things You Must Know Before Doing Anything Else, Elisabeth Cramer (2013). This 2nd volume by Cramer to help new D-types grow in their relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training Volume 3: How to Use These 31 Everyday Objects to Train Your New Sub for Ultimate Pleasure & Excitement, Elizabeth Cramer (2013). The 3rd book by Cramer which guides new D-types in the use of pervertables in play and training.

 

 

 

 

 

Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training: Step-By-Step Blueprint on How to Train Your New Sub. A Must Read for Any Dom/Master in a BDSM Relationship, Elizabeth Cramer (2013). . . This is an excellent resource guide for new D-types in a power exchange relationship who are looking for a guide on mentoring an s-type.

 

 

 

 

Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook, Michael Makai (Createspace, 2013). This book is an excellent resource in discussing the exploration, trails, and rewards of the power exchange relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Extreme Space: The Domination and Submission Handbook, F.R.R. Mallory (Unbound Books, 2013). A guide for those who are interested in exploring and owning their sexuality in terms of BDSM and alternative relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships, Dan and Dawn Williams (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2011). This book provides a real life account of living a TPE relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

The Loving Dominant, John Warren (Greenery Press, 2000). This book is an excellent resource for those who identify as a D-type in a power exchange relationship but do not hold high sadistic tendencies. This is especially important for those who desire a loving and nurturing D/s.

 

 

 

 

 

Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household, Machele Kindle (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2011). A detailed explanation of establishing M/s households including sample contracts.

 

 

 

 

 

Master and Submissive or Slave Contract, Phil G. (Smashwords Edition, 2014). . . This book is an excellent resource for those individuals who are wanting an outline for a BDSM contract.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice, Robert J Rubel and Jay Wiseman (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2006). This book offers a good 101 to the power exchange relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual, Christina Abernathy (Greenery Press, 1998). . . This is an excellent resource guide for new individuals who identify as the d type in a d/s relationship and are looking for a guide on mentoring an s type.

 

 

 

 

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance, Mistress Lorelei (Greenery Press, 2000). . . This book is for any women who wants to explore the D-type role within their relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave, Robert Rubel (Nazca Plains Corporation, 2010). This book is an excellent resource for those s-types to deepen their understanding of protocols and rituals in their power exchange dynamics.

 

 

 

 

 

Introduction to Kink for Professionals

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Reading for an Introduction to Kink for Professionals


Fundamentals

Working with Kinky Clients: A Clinicians’ Manual

With the advent of the Internet, those who participate in alternative forms of relationship, gender, and sexual expression have come together as a community and have created a new sexual minority subculture.

The clinical needs of this community are different than the traditional mental health client and it is important for all mental health clinicians and healthcare providers to be familiar with the standard of care that may be different in the varied populations that make up this community. This document is the accompanying manual for a pilot Kink Aware Therapy Certification educational program, and it offers a fundamental working knowledge and important clinical considerations and interventions in the treatment of this population based upon one clinician’s experiences, the current research, and community literature.

This companion text also reinforces the growing need for an educational program for mental health and medical providers and further clinical research with this population.

50 Shades of Kink, Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2014). This book is a helpful handbook and beginner’s guide to Kinky play and for those who are into impact play but are nervous about safety and protocol.

 

 

 

 


As Kinky as You Wanna Be: Your Guide to Safe, Sane and Smart BDSM, Shanna Germain (Cleis Press, 2014). This book is a good KINK 10 to BDSM play with the emphasis in safety and consent.

 

 

 

 

 

Playing Around: A Short Introduction to Kink for the Curious, Charlie Hale (Charlie Hale, 2014). Available for free at http://playingaround.charliehale.net, this book is an easy Kink 101 book for couples interested in just getting the basics down.

 

 

 

 


Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures, Peggy J. Kleinplatz and Charles Moser (Harrington Park Press, 2006). A collection of essays by researches in a variety of fields helps to dispel the myths surround SM and those who engage in it. A great read for those interested in BDSM personally as well as mental health professionals, students, and researchers.

 

 

 


The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and The Erotic Edge, Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2012). This book is an anthology from Kink educators around the world that covers everything from fantasy play to BDSM play. This is an excellent read for those just starting out because it has a diverse flavor of activities from mild to intense and offers a good exploration of Kinky play and fantasy options.

 

 

 


Our Dark Side: A History of Perversion, Élisabeth Roudinesco (Polity Press, 2009). A historical look at how societies have handle sexuality since the Middle Ages.

 

 

 

 

 


KINK COMMUNITIES AND CULTURE

Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community, Elizabeth Kennedy and Madeline D. Davis (Penguin Books, 1993). This in depth history and examination of the lesbian community of Buffalo, NY between 1930’2-1960’s combines 13 years of research.

 

 

 

 


Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice, Mark Thompson (Daedalus Publishing, 2004). This book is an excellent historical collection of papers and essays on the history of the leather subculture.

 

 

 

 


Life by Association: Getting Furry, Joseph Santiago and Lina Clark (Santiago, Inc. 2012). This book is a memoir of self-discovery and exploration of the furry community.

 

 

 

 

 


Life, Leather and The Pursuit of Happiness: Life, History and Culture in The Leather/Bdsm/Fetish Community, Steve Lenius (Nelson\Borhek#press, 2010). This book is an anthology of selections from Steve Lenius’s 15 years as the writer of “Leather Life” for Lavender Magazine as well other writings which give readers a fun inside exploration into the leather community

 

 

 


Furries: A Guide to Anthropomorphism, C.D. Overstreet (CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015). This book is an excellent handbook for professionals, furries and the furry curious which explores the mysticism, the psychology, sexuality, and the science behind it all.

 

 

 

 


Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities, Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams (Greenery Press, 2012). This book is an ethnographic study and exploration of the Kink community itself rather than a how-to.

 

 

 

 


Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities, David Ortman and Richard A. Sprott (Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2012). The book serves as an educational resource for those whose partners, friends, and family members are involved in BDSM play and the Kink community. It explores the struggles and dispels myths that are perpetuated by popular culture and the media.

 

 

 


Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá (Harper, 2010). This book is an analysis of ethnographic and scientific research of mono-sexuality and poly-sexuality in the field of sexual anthropology

 

 

 

 

Basic Dungeon Etiquette

Dr. Harmony’s Basic Dungeon Etiquette

Many of the rules that involve nudity and sex are dependent on the country, state, and county laws.

Communication

●  DMs have the final word on all matters within the play area, including the right to stop an unsafe or abusive scene, as well as the right to eject any participant who refuses to abide the posted rules. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. ●  If you are a D-type, it is your responsibility to lead by the example of being polite in all situations. Just because you are a D-type does not make all s-types your s-type. Please respect others’ protocols. ●  Do not make assumptions about the availability of someone to play or interact with. Although there are general rules of etiquette, remember the strictness of protocol is different from D/s to D/s, thus, it is important to error on the side of High Protocol. ●  Do not touch, speak, or interact with anyone or their property without direct permission. ●  Please assume all s-types are under the protection of a D-type and ask permission from their D-type prior to interacting with the submissive. ●  Treat everyone with respect no matter the identity they hold. Do not assume that as a D-type, this identity supersedes any protocols they have negotiated with their owner. ●  In general conversation a sub, from time to time, may forget to use the honorific Sir/Ma’am and may even make another minor mistakes. If the sub is not yours, you are permitted at worst to frown to indicate you are a strict D-type. You are NOT permitted
to take to task a sub for the omission unless you have direct permission from their owner. ● When addressing s-types in conversation there are several different scenarios, some of which are indicated here: ●  The s-type is on a leash or standing behind their D-type. In this case it is rude to even acknowledge the presence of the s-type and is up to their D-type to initiate any conversation with the s-type, or not as the D-type pleases. ●  The s-type is beside or slightly between you and the D-type. Approach as if the s-type was just a chair, around the s-type. ●  Always address the D-type first and allow the D-type to introduce you to their s- type, or not as the D-type pleases. ●  If you know the s-type and you have had several previous conversations with this s-type before, even then it is rude to talk to the s-type before proper greetings are given to the D-type. Then it is always best to ask of the D-type how is their s-type doing. ●  The s-type is alone and appearing not to be with someone. Please introduce yourself and ask the s-type if they are free to talk to you. DO NOT be offended if the s-type indicates or says no. Many s-types are owned and may be under orders not to talk to strangers. ●  If for any reason you are unsure of the type of person you are talking to it is considered polite to ask. ●  As an s-type, unsure of the type of person asking you this question, the polite answer is “I belong to Sir/Mistress X, please ask his/her permission to speak to me.”
●  Negotiate ALL scenes. ●  Respect ALL limits. ●  DO NOT under any circumstances interrupt a scene or involve yourself in a scene without an invitation from the D-type. ●  Either have a negotiated safe word or agree upon the use of the universal color codes of Green, Yellow, and Red. ●  Respect the play area and use universal procedures for wet play. ●  Please disinfect and clean any equipment used. ●  Please clean up your play area following your scene. ●  Limit the use of loud noises in the play area. ●  Limit play to designated areas. ●  Never walk away from an active scene when an s-type is bound in any way.

Confidentiality

● When meeting someone outside the Kinky community environment that you know is in the scene, it is rude to acknowledge how you know them in anyway. Privacy and discretion are to be respected. All information about party activities, attendees, etc., is to be considered confidential.

Drugs and Alcohol

●  No alcohol or recreational pharmaceuticals are allowed. If you appear impaired, the management reserves the right to refuse admittance into the establishment or escort you off the premises. ●  Most dungeons and State or County laws do not allow nudity and alcohol within the same establishment; however, this varies from state to state. Additionally, most liability insurance companies will not insure a dungeon if they allow alcohol.

Optional Dungeon Rules

Pictures and Video

● Do not bring cameras or recording devices. ● Cell phone calls must be made and received outside of the play area Weapons ● No weapons (including pepper spray) or weapons can be allowed into either the play area or the premises. Some dungeons allow edge play and the will allow weapons upon inspection and special permission.

Smoking

● No smoking or glass allowed in the play area

Sex and Nudity

● No penetrative sex ● There is no nipple or genital exposure allowed in the play area.
 
DrHarmony Basic Dungeon Etiquette